Care and Maintenance of your Smogmobile 2000™

Chapter 42: Putting on New Seat Covers

  1. Just look at those seats! Terrible. That exposed metal might cut you and give you tetanus. Obviously this car needs new seat covers.

  2. For this job, we recommend Car and Driver Velour Seat Covers. We recommend them because they were given to us as a gift.

  3. When you pull the seat covers out of the box, you might be concerned that they are too small to fit properly. Let us put your mind at ease—they are too small to fit properly.

  4. First, put the seat cover over the headrest. Complain loudly that the cover will prevent you from raising the headrest all the way up.

  5. Now, put the cover over the bottom of the seat. This will be difficult since (as we noted before) the covers are too small.

  6. Finally, pull the hooks for the cover through the crack in the car seat.

  7. Be very careful at this point. One single scratch from the grime-covered plastic could lead to a lethal infection.

  8. Pulling the tab through the crack in the seat requires effort. Feel free to grunt.

  9. Ah, all done! Bask in sybaritic pleasure at the enveloping comfort of velour, snugly moulding itself to your body as it protects you from exposed metal.

  10. Unfortunately, car seats come in pairs. You need to repeat the process for the passenger seat.

  11. Learn from your past efforts. Sitting on the car seat cover stretches it and gives you the extra slack you need to pull it through the seat crack.

  12. With the seat properly stretched, pulling the tab through is a piece of cake.

  13. Make sure you secure the hooks through the holes in the tab. If they come loose, the elastic may snap and cause someone to lose an eye.