The Smogmobile 2000

The Smog­mobile 2000™: Special Features

Congratulations on your purchase of this fine vehicle! Before you begin operating your Smogmobile 2000™, you should familarize yourself with some of its special features.

Panic-Sensitive Headlights

When encountering hazardous road conditions at night, Panic-Sensitive Headlights will turn off, protecting you from the stress of seeing your impending doom.

Caution! Does not prevent stress during daylight hours.

Anti-Pursuit Wheel Ejection System

To evade pursuers, activate the Anti-Pursuit Wheel Ejection System, then take a hard right turn. The wheel will continue down the road while you escape down a side street.

Danger! Damage to the car caused by driving with three wheels may not be covered by insurance; check with your agent first.

BlueCloud™ Cloaking Device

To avoid unnecessary delays involving the police, the Smogmobile 2000™ will emit a protective blue cloud to conceal you from the authorities.

Warning! This may actually alert the authorities to your presence.

Confuse-o-Tron™ Door Locking System

Your Smogmobile 2000™ is equipped with a state-of-the-art security system. The driver’s door can only be opened by following these four steps:

  1. Open the passenger’s door first
  2. From the passenger’s compartment, open the driver’s door
  3. Walk around the outside of the car
  4. Enter the driver’s compartment

Notice! This will annoy your passengers to no end.

Carbon Monoxide Alarm

Your Smogmobile 2000™ comes equipped with a carbon monoxide alarm, which will warn you if dangerous levels accumulate within the passenger cabin.

Attention! Because the Smogmobile 2000™ is constantly filled with poisonous vapors, the carbon monoxide alarm will never stop beeping until you remove the batteries.

Special Holiday Decorations

Your Smogmobile 2000™ comes with optional accouterments to help you celebrate important holidays.

Excerpts from the Smogmobile 2000™ User Guide

Just why is it called the Smogmobile 2000™?