The question was:
Just what *did* happen to Barbara, the net.suppleness.goddess?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
For more information, see alt.goddess.sag.sag.sag. You owe the Oracle a spork.
The question was:
Oh Oracle so wise and well-spoken, why do all these people around me pronounce the "h" in vehicle? Don't they know it's supposed to be silent?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
It has to do with all the salty moisture that blows in from the Atlantic Ocean to the east. It creates excess phlegm, and causes certain "silent" sounds to become audible. People on the other side of the Atlantic are protected and pronounce words correctly. You owe the Oracle an explanation on how atmospheric conditions in Europe cause excess U's to appear in words.
The question was:
Why isn't "Bud Dry" dehydrated beer?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
Incompetence. Just wait until Japanese beer companies start selling sachets of powdered 'dry beer' in the US. You would have thought that US companies would have realised by now, but it's always the same. You owe The Oracle a large number of shares in the 'Suntory' company.
The question was:
Have we had specific resolution on the Question 1000 (Q1K) problem?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
Angela M. Herold
ATAC
BSG - Sales Support
(913) 534-4846
aherold@igate.sprint.com
-----Original Message-----
From: oracle
Sent: Thursday, March 05, 1998 11:12 AM
To: Angela.M.Herold
Cc: oracle
Subject: Answer #Qa20980, the Oracle requires an answer to this
question.
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Date: Thu, 5 Mar 1998 11:11:51 -0600
From: The Internet Oracle <oracle@cs.indiana.edu>
Message-Id: <199803051711.MAA02259@sunos.cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Answer #Qa20980, the Oracle requires an answer to this
question.
To: Angela M Herold <Angela.M.Herold@mail.sprint.com>
X-Face:
)/f9dP<k\!g-'b'Sn!jD[[Y(T^=/)v/C&G-fO%mE+$oq#6H1k>AX/dU$1
Z!U(/?A
PiIJvIOtcN@L.><f)H>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feR<g*p/sQ)#~7tLC*8$G}W
Ve$eZ;
Wig5LM9ec&;}@BK]=TVO>f.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5V
N*_+bB
kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:<WA'25dLj<U?mm;wHr!<pBL_\S#7NlVBqZG1/T
*6$zDv
m6a?#4#l>05'EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f'@),(2WT
X-Planation: X-Face can be viewed with
ftp.cs.indiana.edu:/pub/faces.
!!! The Oracle's question queue is getting rather full. Help
speed !!! things up for everyone and do askme's instead of
tellme's.
The Internet Oracle requires an answer to this question!
~ Have we had specific resolution on the Question 1000
(Q1K) problem?
~ The resolution consists of specific facts which tend to
lead to abstract details. The details outline abstract
facts that have resolved the issue at question.
.......................................................................
Item Subject: WINMAIL.DAT
Couldn't convert Microsoft Mail Message Data item to text at a gateway.
The question was:
Oh Oracle, thou for whom wild flowers spend their whole lives yearning that thou might walk past with Lisa at full bloom.... Oracle, why doesn't my girlfriend believe that I'm a virgin?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
That's what you get for dating a unicorn. You owe the Oracle a guide to interspecies relationships.
The question was:
O mighty Oracle, who could have a life if he wanted, but doesn't because he's got Lisa and so doesn't need one. What am I doing at home on a Friday night asking you trivial questions?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
Same thing I'm doing on Saturday night answering them. You owe the Oracle a life... oh, wait, you don't have one either.
The question was:
Oh Oracle, wise and true.
Why don't you ever give me a straight answer?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
because
i
really
like
writing
in
the
style
of
e e cummings
you owe t u oracle some uppercase letters and some punctuation
The question was:
Oh Almighty Oracle, all-knowing, all-telling... Why did they name Uranus (the planet) Uranus? I mean, which gross scientist could think of that name for a planet? Aren't these planet names censored, perhaps discussed in an open forum first? What will the next planet be called? Myspleen?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
There's a fascinating story behind that. In January 1781, mad King George III passed the infamous URANUS directive-- Uninspiring, Repulsive, Awful Names Until September-- to prevent the proliferation of astronomical discoveries (which upset the King to no end). William Herschel was already on his way to discovering the seventh planet when the directive took effect. He named the planet "Herschel" after himself, thinking that that was a bad enough name. (And he was right. Who would want to study a planet named "Herschel"?) But his pal, Johann Bode, convinced him to rename the planet after the much hated law. And thus, Uranus was named. You owe the Oracle a recording of Carl Sagan's body spinning in the grave.
The question was:
Ba Wheep Gra Na Wheep Ninny-bong?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
No, this isn't a previously unannounced side-effect. This is what happens when you put the Viagra on the same shelf as the dog anti-depressants. They're both little blue pills - you should really have seen this one coming (if you'll pardon the expression). The effects should be wearing off by now, but I think your lady friend is pretty traumatised by the whole experience. And her stockings are ruined. You owe the Oracle a collar and leash.
The question was:
In the battle of the sexes, who is winning?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
The lawyers.