(Answer-20 Jan 1998)
The question was:
> "You are old, Uncle Orrie," the young man said, > "And your skin is as tough as old leather. > Yet you keep all your answers at once in your head. > What makes you so frightfully clever?"
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} "In my youth," Uncle Orrie replied with a sneer, } "I ate woodchucks for breakfast and lunch. } Why, look! I still have a crate of them here! } Allow me to sell you a bunch?" } } You owe the Oracle a copy of "The Annotated Alice."
(Question-17 Feb 1998)
The question was:
> Just what *did* happen to Barbara, the net.suppleness.goddess?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} For more information, see alt.goddess.sag.sag.sag. } } You owe the Oracle a spork.
(Answer-18 Feb 1998)
The question was:
> Oh Oracle so wise and well-spoken, why do all > these people around me pronounce the "h" in > vehicle? Don't they know it's supposed to be > silent?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} It has to do with all the salty moisture that blows in from the } Atlantic Ocean to the east. It creates excess phlegm, and causes } certain "silent" sounds to become audible. People on the other side } of the Atlantic are protected and pronounce words correctly. } } You owe the Oracle an explanation on how atmospheric conditions in } Europe cause excess U's to appear in words.
(Question-03 Mar 1998)
The question was:
> Why isn't "Bud Dry" dehydrated beer?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Incompetence. Just wait until Japanese beer companies start selling } sachets of powdered 'dry beer' in the US. You would have thought that } US companies would have realised by now, but it's always the same. } } You owe The Oracle a large number of shares in the 'Suntory' company.
(Question-05 Mar 1998)
The question was:
> Have we had specific resolution on the Question 1000 (Q1K) problem?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
}
} Angela M. Herold
} ATAC
} BSG - Sales Support
} (913) 534-4846
} aherold@igate.sprint.com
}
}
} -----Original Message-----
} From: oracle
} Sent: Thursday, March 05, 1998 11:12 AM
} To: Angela.M.Herold
} Cc: oracle
} Subject: Answer #Qa20980, the Oracle requires an answer to this
} question.
}
} Received: from sii01.mail.sprint.com (mailhub [192.251.141.141])
} by kcopmp02.corp.sprint.com with ESMTP (8.7.6/8.7.3) id
} LAA21060 for <Angela.M.Herold@openmail.mail.sprint.com>;
} Thu, 5 Mar 1998 11:10:13 -0600 (CST)
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} Received: (from oracle@localhost)
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} MAA02259;
} Thu, 5 Mar 1998 12:11:51 -0500 (EST)
} Date: Thu, 5 Mar 1998 11:11:51 -0600
} From: The Internet Oracle <oracle@cs.indiana.edu>
} Message-Id: <199803051711.MAA02259@sunos.cs.indiana.edu>
} Subject: Answer #Qa20980, the Oracle requires an answer to this
} question.
} To: Angela M Herold <Angela.M.Herold@mail.sprint.com>
} X-Face:
} )/f9dP<k\!g-'b'Sn!jD[[Y(T^=/)v/C&G-fO%mE+$oq#6H1k>AX/dU$1
} Z!U(/?A
}
} PiIJvIOtcN@L.><f)H>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feR<g*p/sQ)#~7tLC*8$G}W
} Ve$eZ;
}
} Wig5LM9ec&;}@BK]=TVO>f.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5V
} N*_+bB
}
} kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:<WA'25dLj<U?mm;wHr!<pBL_\S#7NlVBqZG1/T
} *6$zDv
} m6a?#4#l>05'EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f'@),(2WT
} X-Planation: X-Face can be viewed with
} ftp.cs.indiana.edu:/pub/faces.
} !!! The Oracle's question queue is getting rather full. Help
} speed !!! things up for everyone and do askme's instead of
} tellme's.
} The Internet Oracle requires an answer to this question!
} ~ Have we had specific resolution on the Question 1000
} (Q1K) problem?
} ~ The resolution consists of specific facts which tend to
} lead to abstract details. The details outline abstract
} facts that have resolved the issue at question.
}
}
} .......................................................................
}
} Item Subject: WINMAIL.DAT
} Couldn't convert Microsoft Mail Message Data item to text at a gateway.
(Answer-29 Apr 1998)
The question was:
> Oh Oracle, thou for whom wild flowers spend their whole lives yearning > that thou might walk past with Lisa at full bloom.... > > Oracle, why doesn't my girlfriend believe that I'm a virgin?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} That's what you get for dating a unicorn. } } You owe the Oracle a guide to interspecies relationships.
(Answer-02 May 1998)
The question was:
> O mighty Oracle, who could have a life if he wanted, but doesn't because he's > got Lisa and so doesn't need one. > > What am I doing at home on a Friday night asking you trivial questions?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Same thing I'm doing on Saturday night answering them. } } You owe the Oracle a life... oh, wait, you don't have one either.
(Answer-07 May 1998)
The question was:
> Oh Oracle, wise and true. > Why don't you ever give me a straight answer?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} because } i } really } like } writing } in } the } style } of } e e cummings } } you owe t u oracle some uppercase letters and some punctuation
(Answer-02 Jun 1998)
The question was:
> Oh Almighty Oracle, all-knowing, all-telling... > > Why did they name Uranus (the planet) Uranus? I mean, which gross > scientist could think of that name for a planet? Aren't these planet > names censored, perhaps discussed in an open forum first? What will > the next planet be called? Myspleen?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} There's a fascinating story behind that. In January 1781, mad King } George III passed the infamous URANUS directive-- Uninspiring, } Repulsive, Awful Names Until September-- to prevent the proliferation } of astronomical discoveries (which upset the King to no end). } } William Herschel was already on his way to discovering the seventh } planet when the directive took effect. He named the planet "Herschel" } after himself, thinking that that was a bad enough name. (And he was } right. Who would want to study a planet named "Herschel"?) But his } pal, Johann Bode, convinced him to rename the planet after the much } hated law. And thus, Uranus was named. } } You owe the Oracle a recording of Carl Sagan's body spinning in the } grave.
(Question-05 Jun 1998)
The question was:
> Ba Wheep Gra Na Wheep Ninny-bong?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} No, this isn't a previously unannounced side-effect. This is what happens } when you put the Viagra on the same shelf as the dog anti-depressants. } They're both little blue pills - you should really have seen this one } coming (if you'll pardon the expression). } } The effects should be wearing off by now, but I think your lady friend is } pretty traumatised by the whole experience. And her stockings are ruined. } } You owe the Oracle a collar and leash.