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A Few Words from the Author

I like bunnies!


The Mia Descandion Interview

An actual interview with the creator and primary author of Condensed Comics, done in the city of Riverside, California on January 18th, 2004.

Q: Why Condensed Comics?

Because far too many movies can be reduced to three panels.

Q: Do you consider Martin Lawrence your anti-muse?

I don’t know.

Q: I mean, does he inspire you?

Jesus Christ, I have never been asked so many questions about Martin Lawrence in my life (well, not by someone not in a police uniform).

Q: What’s your favorite movie?

Oh Jesus, why would you ask me that? I really don’t have a favorite.

Fuck you, I gotta think.

I better pick one arbitrarily.

Q: How about a top three list?

Grapes of Wrath, Airplane!, Winged Migration.

Q: Winged Migration?

A beautiful, beautiful French or Canadian film about bird migration.

It’s two hours of birds flying, with no narration. The movie was beaten by Bowling for Columbine. I like Michael Moore, but sometimes he pisses me off. He didn’t spend five years filming birds, dammit.

Q: Let’s go for the obvious. The worst movie?

BATTLEFIELD EARTH! The worst, even filming and sound editing. How can a movie have bad sound editing? But it did. There would be a loud sound effect, but no background noise with it.

And the bad guys were “Psychlos,” that’s just “psycho” with an “L.” I kid you not!

Q: Anything else bad about Battlefield Earth?

There was this comic convention in L.A. that I attended and there was this young woman running a booth dedicated to science fiction written by L. Ron Hubbard. That’s how they tried to hook you into Scientology, by first showing this book and “BLARGHARGHAFRGHGH.” (that’s a direct quote — ed.)

Out of pity I decided to strike up a conversation with this young lass and ask her what her favorite book was. She responded, “Oh, Battlefield Earth! I read it three times in a row! I remember sitting in my car at 6 AM reading it! It changed my life!”

Q: Uh, that’s interesting. But back to Condensed Comics. What do you see as the future of “CC”? Still movies, or other bits of your life? You’ve done a couple of dreams.

“CC” is the lamest sounding acronym ever, but I honestly don’t know. I’m going to stick to movies, but I will see what else I can condense to three panels. The problem is, a lot of movies are very terrible but making fun of them is overkill.

For example, I’m not going to do one on Battlefield Earth (she changed her mind — ed.) because that’s like punching a dead, bloated body. I like doing Condensed Comics because I like reducing two hours (five hours in the case of dreams) into three panels. Reduction is funny.

So if I can reduce any other overly complex concepts (and fill them with dirty words) I will.

Q: You do realize that dreams actually take only five minutes and the passage of time is illusionary?

You do realize I really want to kick your ass.

Q: That’s a given. Anything else you want to say?

No.

No, really. I have nothing else to say.